Language lessons. Every time I hear those words I can’t help but hear them in the voice of the Asian kid who talks like Howard Cosell in Better Off Dead. But language lessons is what we have been doing this week—2 hours every day. We managed to find a very inexpensive private tutor who lives right down the street from us. On the day that we consulted with her before the lessons began, she asked us to buy a newspaper, read three articles each, and underline the verbs. When we got to our first lesson she proceeded to take us through some review and then had us read from the articles.

In the classes that I teach, I have always found it particularly taxing to listen to kids read out loud when they are clearly bad at it. This is why we listen to the Shakespeare plays on CD and don’t read them out loud. I find it peculiar that those students who are the worst readers are usually the first volunteers to read out loud. They always want to be the character with the longest speech in the play or want to read long passages from novels without ceding control to anyone else. I will scan the classroom helplessly looking for another volunteer feeling like Ben Stein in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. “Anyone?” I ask, purposely not looking in the direction of the frantically waving hand. “Anyone want to be Creon? Anyone?” Continue reading “Language Lessons” →

During our time abroad, my wonderful roommate Rebecca is caring for my two darling kitties.  Going above and beyond her duties, Rebecca has launched Angus’s modeling career.  Check out The Infinite Cat Project website (and one of my adorable cats) at:

http://www.infinitecat.com/infinite/cat-html/1601-1700/1603.html

¡Limpiaparabrisas! It means “windshield wipers,” but it is our new favorite expletive. It doesn’t make sense unless you shout it out with the correct emphasis. Come on, try it with me: ¡Limpiaparabrisas! Now don’t you feel better? Continue reading “Completely Disjointed Thoughts and a Piece of News” →

Even though the Bay Area isn’t known for its white Christmases, nonetheless, as children of the Northern hemisphere, we have been conditioned by our holiday songs to expect at least a chill in the air come Christmastime. “Winter Wonderland.” “Frosty the Snowman.” “The Christmas Song.” “Jingle Bells.” “Let it Snow.” What the hell do people in the Southern hemisphere sing? Continue reading “Bright Christmas” →

I would describe Buenos Aires in the same way that you might describe an unalluring woman that you are trying to set your friend up with: She’s got a great personality. I’m not saying that Buenos Aires is ugly—there are parts that are quite attractive. However, the charm of the city doesn’t come so much from its exterior as it does from its vibe.

The apartment that we rented here is right outside of Plaza Dorrego in the district of San Telmo—a happening place. Every day the plaza is full of people frequenting the many outdoor cafes and buying trinkets from the numerous vendors stationed around the square. At night, especially as the weekend nears, the plaza fills with musicians and tango dancers and crowds taking in the spectacle. Several times we have gone out to the plaza to have dinner under the stars and sip sangria while we are entertained by a flamenco show or a blues performance.

Continue reading “The Two Faces of Buenos Aires” →

““That is not what I meant at all./That is not it, at all.””

“It is impossible to say just what I mean!”

– T.S. Eliot, “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock”

I’m looking for Q-tips in the grocery store in Buenos Aires, but I’m not finding them. What in the world do they call Q-tips here? How do you say “cotton swab”? If I say “cotton swab” will they know what I’m talking about? I know that if I really want to find the Q-tips, its time to play my least favorite game—the riddle game. It works much like the old 100,000 Pyramid show and goes like this: I describe the item in as much detail as possible without actually saying the name of the thing. The person at the store/restaurant/other service facility guesses what it is that I’m describing. Admittedly this game is difficult because most of the time I don’t know when the person has guessed correctly. I win the game if I succeed in actually obtaining the item and I lose if the person just gives up and says that they don’t carry such a thing. Continue reading “Trying to Say Just What I Mean” →

Flashback: My sister and I are sitting with our parents at a table in a restaurant in Mexico. The waiter comes up to take our order and even though he can tell that we are a table full of gringos, he asks, “Hablan Espanol?”

Our parents point to me and my sister and say, “They do.”

I glare at them and exhale heavily.  I DO NOT speak Spanish. I never have and I still don’t. I’m not sure if I ever will. But the waiter has to see for himself. He says something that we only half comprehend. We try to construct a coherent sentence and fail. The waiter gives up and asks us for our order in English. Continue reading “No Hablo Espanol” →